A perfect spot in Canggu to talk big questions with a puppy dog on the beach

Whether in the business centre of Frankfurt, around the pristine waters of Bora Bora, along the banks of the Neva in St. Petersburg, or by the surfing beach of Bali: an unanswered question challenges me.

Is it better to be generous or selfish?

Most of us probably have an immediate, rapid answer.  However the query might deserve a bit more pondering.

Ethically, one would say it is better to be generous.

Really? to what extent?  and more importantly, how does it really connect to what we see in everyday life?  In our own experience of what selfish or generous acts lead to?

A possible approach is to be rational about it.

According to the Cipolla diagram (I already made reference to it in a previous post, so I will not try to put the link again… too time consuming), intelligent people are “selfish” and generous at the same time.

He also argues that when an intelligent agreement cannot be found, an intelligent person is better off allying temporarily with a selfish “bandit” rather than an unnecessarily generous “helpless”.  To avoid being “dragged” down.

So perhaps it is indeed better to be a bandit.

In my life, I have been both.  Probably a bandit for longer, trying to switch to intelligent more recently and often finding myself in the helpless corner.

I have been taken advantage of.

Even more recently, I have been thinking about this behavioural dilemma as I was conducting some sort of “negotiation”.  We both presented ourselves as intelligent, but I was possibly dealing with a selfish person.

The negotiation had a negative outcome for both, but certainly more for me.  The selfish person got what they wanted, at least in the short term.

And here it lies, in the notion of time, another possible parameter for choice of behaviour.

If one believes in karma, then maybe it is better to be generous.  However, let’s be real, do we really see karma in life?  Over what time span?  In my experience, bandits prevail.

So the choice is clear.  It is better to be selfish, rationality and experience confirm it.

However, and I am not saying I have always been this way and I will be able to keep it up, I will try and continue to be generous, no matter the cost.

It is – indeed – a matter of conscience.  When looking at the mirror or talking to Edoardo, how can I really say that it is better to be selfish?  as Stefano once told me, it is better to have a regret rather than a remorse.

Yes, being giving requires strength, the ability to absorb disillusion and hurt.

But it can lead to real, real freedom.